Disney’s reoccurring theme..

I have a six year old. I’ve raised her thus far to think little girls are not grown women. As she gets older she will earn the right to do more things like paint her nails, go out etc. At 6, she’s not ready to hit the club like it’s her birthday as best sung by good ol 50 cent. One day though she will be, but hopefully by that time I have prepared her as well as I can for life. 

Shopping for girls these days is hard. The fashions are outrageous. I once saw a tube top that doubled as a mini skirt. I mean am I dressing a future baby prostitute or a child? It’s sick. I dress my daughter as age appropriate as I can, as fashion forward as I can without trying to turn her into a self obsessed monster. So imagine the difficulty in finding age appropriate shows.

She’s 6 but bores of cartoons. She’s an uber smart (to smart for her own good) kid. So although the screen shows tv shows with a G rating which are hypothetically for the general audience, I’ve found one massive reoccurring theme. Boy crazy girls that are just obsessed with boys. Okay, obviously kids grow up and start to eventually notice the opposite sex. But why are shows aimed at the general consensus of just showing boy thirsty girls? I take issues with that. Is that all we can teach girls? Granted, teaching starts at home but you can’t deny the outside influences are like subliminal Devils. Where else are girls younger and younger developing body image issues from? Instagram? Where everyone takes photos like their waiting to film their next debut with Brad Pitt. Social media. Magazines. Tv shows. This all plays a part. 

People like to argue that it’s a parents fault or problem to screen and monitor their children. I agree but to a degree. I can’t raise my daughter in a bubble. There has to be some sort of accountability about what we show kids, what we put forth. How about a show about a girl who’s an A student who invents the cure for some formerly incurable disease or a show about the first girl ground breaking scientist who’s also a teenager like Dougie Howser who was a doctor at like 13? We need more shows about women and girls shattering those glass ceilings than incorporating all the dumb shit that at the end matters so minutely. 



I am like a hurricane. I can’t help it. I’m a 5’5 Walking hurricane. Take no prisoners I genuinely can’t help it. I’ve told you I have a personality issue. Denial is not one of my issues. When I wrote my blog, don’t think I’m just saying my kid is great because everyone thinks their kid is great. My daughter is an asshole sometimes. In fact sometimes she’s also manipulative. However, I know her and work with her like a drill seargent because I value education. I’ve often said I will fund her future life expeditions so long as she goes to college. If she wants to find herself I’ll play along just do what you have to do and I’ll kick the cash. 

My 6 year old is now in a tizzy over the prospects of being held back and now I want everyone’s head on a stick. So I did what I do best and wrote a letter. There’s an inside joke about my letters. I’ve written to probably every agency you can think of and ripped people a new one. I’ve drafted unemployment appeal letters ripping people apart. It’s a gift I suppose. So now, I’m putting them on notice. It’s the first time I hear my kid isn’t doing well enough to the point of failure. That’s not funny to me at all. So knowing the kids abilities I outlined a letter: 

A little crazy..

I never understood why parents go nuts at their children’s schools. I always got upset and said don’t blame the teachers it’s not always the teachers. Today though I know I’m about to become one of those parents. Especially after hearing that some kids were told they would go to second grade. 

 The school work being given to children now is ridiculous. Yes, some children will ace through it others will struggle. Not every individual learns at the same pace. Now as a nation we want to cram years of education into our children to catch up with other countries and I say no. I feel like that’s a personal choice if I feel like my daughter can and should handle much more advanced work. 

My daughter typically works with me all summer long on grade packages. If she’s going to kindergarten I buy kindergarten workbooks and we work on it all summer. If she’s going into first grade I’ve already been working with her on first grade materials. The one subject my tot has been struggling with is reading. Part of which I’m beginning to wonder if it’s to do with a visual test. I got a letter today that threw me into a fit. It’s not that my daughter is entitled. It’s that I work with my daughter everyday and know what she’s both capable of and what she understands. 

I read with her and ask questions about what she’s read to make sure she comprehends. I do math with her and she’s better at math than me. She’s quick. So imagine my surprise to get a letter saying they might hold her back. I was instantly enraged. Have they tested her to make sure there is no disability? (From time to time she inverts letters) How was this determined? Her math test from yesterday was an 81. Her spelling tests are primarily good with the exception of about 2. Her math tests are in the same category. 90 something a vague 70 here there. 

Common core is bullshit. I’m against everything it stands for. When I grew up we didn’t draw charts for 1+1=2  we added the shit and learned our multiplication tables etc. do I think any of this has any life value other than to frustrate the kids? No. I’ve heard of children crying trying to take these timed bullshit exams. I personally refuse to subject my daughter to it and will exempt her. You want to test the teachers “Vaya con Dios.” Godspeed.

I guess I’m livid because I’ve raised her to be educationally orientated. The kid picks out books before toys, she plays math games and educationally oriented games. So I feel like she  doesn’t get a break. Because of that is why I opted not to even try to put her in an gifted program because I want her to be a kid. 

Her homework has consisted of 3 digit subtraction. I’m talking about 100+250+410=

I think it’s absurd. I don’t remember doing all that jazz. Without that, I was still advanced. I was in college level at 16. So I guess that’s  why I think it’s all hogwash. Education should be based on the children’s understanding of the subjects and their ability to complete it. Not how they adjust to your new pie charts and methodology. If a child can answer 1+1 by counting instead of using circles and pie charts why the hell not. Is it not the same answer? More importantly, if you think you’re failing some children you don’t announce who’s going and leave others out like a Scarlett letter. I’ll be damned…

Hail Mary’s

I admit it. I’ve pulled some things off that there has to be someone silently either rooting for me like an angel or maybe I’m evil and my minions help me like David Blaine. Yes, because I’m convinced that David has a pact with the devil. Don’t judge me, you probably thought it too after watching his new hand tricks. 

Right now people are worried about the holidays. Right now, I’m worried about work deadlines. Trying to balance work, school and a kid while trying not to leave work late but still pulling off a saving grace or a Hail Mary as I call it when it comes to work. 

When I succeed though I feel like I’m the Harvey Spector of law. By 10:00 a.m. I’m like fuck this shit and fuck Harvey I want to be a shrink and I need one while I’m at it. By the afternoon, a thank you from a client re-affirms the morning attitude that I will crush the legal game like Michael Jordan in basketball. This goes on all day long. Yes, it’s a very long and daunting day. 

Today was no exception. Yesterday was a super bad day. But you take good with the bad’s and losses with every win. You can’t always win no matter how great you are. As I stared at my growing tower or rather the leaning tower of pisa of cases and emails from my clients, my anxiety hit peak. But, I know I have one objective. Get the 4 day deadline cases done now. Everything else must take a momentary back seat. 

Sometimes I’m a glutton for punishment I must confess. I thrive in pressure. I’ve grown up in a pressure cooker. The problem is, that as I get older this presssure that I’m good at laughing at can get to me. I’m no longer bullet proof. Now I feel anxious. My stomach turns sometimes. 

Whether I’ll live and be the female Harvey Spector (Tv show Suits) remains to be seen, maybe I’ll live my life in love with psychology and making a bigger difference that way. The only thing I’m certain of is that I’m as intense as my stomping stroll. My personality is as strong as my gait. A friend once joked I had an angry teacher stomp when I walk. For me, it’s just confidence, it’s endurance that leaks into my stomp. I equally take my wrath out on those who dare cross my clients and eat them for breakfast lunch and dinner.

At the end of the day, when you’re only given one option to sink or swim. Sinking is not even a consideration and your only choice is to swim. So in the words of Dory from finding memo, “Just Keep Swimming.”

Half full or half empty..

My cups always half full, especially when it comes to my lover Benjamin. I know I’m going to be making a ton of money very shortly. Not enough for my likes, but enough to move closer to my six figure goal. I don’t know, I’m not defensive but I hate when people have near sightedness. Just because I’m in this place now doesn’t mean I will always be. Like I always say, everything in life is only as temporary as you make it. And I love Benjamin’s green eyes. 

Today I was discussing the prospects of my daughter attending private schools after this year hiatus. The response was am I loaded? No do I have to be now? Her tuition is about 4K. Manageable for the time being but not while I finish a few terms of school. Long run, I’ll make more than enough to cover her education, short term, homegirls going to public school. My point is that I have one belief in this life. Financial advisors may frown upon this but I feel very strongly that I don’t need to adjust my life, it just means that I need to make more money plain and simple. So even if I was making 100k right this minute my attitude would be make more money to spend more not minimize and budget on what I’ve got. Double, triple up the flow of money. 

I’ve heard the same negative remarks about law firms. Everyone wants to act like working at a big law firm is this huge feat and I scoff at the notion. I’m not sure if maybe I hit my head as a kid, I was dropped on my head or what, but all I can say is you get what you want if you want it bad enough. Stop focusing on him or her. I’ve never looked at what anyone was doing. Because first of all I didn’t give a fuck, second of all its not doing nothing for me. If it’s not making me money it’s not making sense to me.

That’s where the money goes..

I woke up this morning wondering where my Tesla was and then I realized as I logged into Navient, Oh! That’s right I don’t have one but I owe the equivalent to Navient. Sometimes, I can’t lie I log in to merely punish myself and ask myself all of the things I could’ve done differently in my life, like grow weed, excuse me marijuana, been a pimp like Heidi Fleiss, (a madam) among a million other lives I could’ve chosen. But like millions of other sheeps, I chose an education. I’m not bashing education by any means, I think it’s crucial to learn and to succeed. There are also on the flip side plenty of entrepreneurs that could spank a college grad any day with their un-college real life education and business smarts that were not taught behind books or an institute merely learned by trial and error and innate. I have a huge dislike for Navient, and the Mae’s. I can’t lie, I think its utter legal robbery that even after they’ve buried and burned your ass they still sometimes come after you. I read a story a while ago about some poor unfortunate kid that had student loans and met his untimely demise and despite this, can you guess who was knocking on the parents door? The Mae’s were, wanting to get payment for these forsaken loans.

I always wanted to go to law school and the more I talk to all of the attorneys in my life including the ones that have been paying loans since the dinosaurs roamed, the more I opt and lean towards a Master’s in anything. The thought of even jumping into owing an invisible mortgage honestly doesn’t sound appealing in the least. I know there is more money to be made, but like everything in life there’s a price to pay. You pay one devil to trade off with another devil.. The hilarity in the student loan payment rule about 120 payment to me was when I flipped over my statement. After 120 payments my loans are forgiven, yeah that’s because based on their calculation I’ll have paid at least the balance plus about 20k on top of it. Nice one, well played..

When I played MASH as a kid I know I never wanted the Shack, but at the rate the education system is going, I might as fucking well live in one. Here Sallie, take it all, I don’t need a dime, don’t worry about my inability to eat. I could lose a few pant sizes. Bitch.