I have a six year old. I’ve raised her thus far to think little girls are not grown women. As she gets older she will earn the right to do more things like paint her nails, go out etc. At 6, she’s not ready to hit the club like it’s her birthday as best sung by good ol 50 cent. One day though she will be, but hopefully by that time I have prepared her as well as I can for life.
Shopping for girls these days is hard. The fashions are outrageous. I once saw a tube top that doubled as a mini skirt. I mean am I dressing a future baby prostitute or a child? It’s sick. I dress my daughter as age appropriate as I can, as fashion forward as I can without trying to turn her into a self obsessed monster. So imagine the difficulty in finding age appropriate shows.
She’s 6 but bores of cartoons. She’s an uber smart (to smart for her own good) kid. So although the screen shows tv shows with a G rating which are hypothetically for the general audience, I’ve found one massive reoccurring theme. Boy crazy girls that are just obsessed with boys. Okay, obviously kids grow up and start to eventually notice the opposite sex. But why are shows aimed at the general consensus of just showing boy thirsty girls? I take issues with that. Is that all we can teach girls? Granted, teaching starts at home but you can’t deny the outside influences are like subliminal Devils. Where else are girls younger and younger developing body image issues from? Instagram? Where everyone takes photos like their waiting to film their next debut with Brad Pitt. Social media. Magazines. Tv shows. This all plays a part.
People like to argue that it’s a parents fault or problem to screen and monitor their children. I agree but to a degree. I can’t raise my daughter in a bubble. There has to be some sort of accountability about what we show kids, what we put forth. How about a show about a girl who’s an A student who invents the cure for some formerly incurable disease or a show about the first girl ground breaking scientist who’s also a teenager like Dougie Howser who was a doctor at like 13? We need more shows about women and girls shattering those glass ceilings than incorporating all the dumb shit that at the end matters so minutely.
Have you watched that show? What would you do? Some of the situations are mind blowing and enraging. Ironically, the other day they showed a situation involving babies. A couple brings a baby to a 10 star restaurant and the question was what would you do if the baby is crying through your dinner. Me personally I’m an asshole. I would side eye through my entire meal. Listen, I’m a mom, but I didn’t take my daughter out until I felt ready she was a silent presence out in public. I can honorably say my daughter never had a meltdown in public. Then again my silent motherly theme song was L.L. Cool J’s Mamma said knock you out. My daughter knew better. Even now, I take her to work no one even knows she’s there. Which brings me to today.
Today, although I’m dying from a cold, I took my daughter to go see boss baby the movie. The thing is, it’s obviously a kids movie. But why did I hear actual screaming babies that were not cast on the movie? Listen, I sacrificed and didn’t expose the world to a constantly screaming child. Even before I had kids I hated the parents who just let their monster scream bloody murder. Kids are unpredictable, I know you can’t just put a cork in them, but you do have to teach them manners. I used to purposely take my daughter down the toy aisle to teach her that not always would she get a toy and we do not act up. She never had a meltdown for a toy.
When I became a parent my mantra was I don’t want to hear this shit, so neither should you have to hear it. Some places are baby free zones. Would you take your newborn into a nightclub? Would you take your infant to the bar? Maybe some body shots for the kid? The answer is no. So if you wouldn’t take your kid out to those places why is it so far fetched to not take your screaming child or infant to a 5 star restaurant where my chicken costs as much as a god damned farm of chickens. I just think it’s prudent. So yes, I’m an asshole but I also was prudent enough to put parenting first above my own need to go see the latest flick. By the way the movie was awesome. Some adult intended suggestive comments but overall hilarious, a tad sad but great.
If I had to write some wisdom to my younger self, I would remind myself to try to enjoy the journey. In a generation where information is at your disposal and beauty or its faux standard in your face, sometimes I feel sorry for the children of today. When I was 12 I was 12. I didn’t know entirely about sex, I wasn’t obsessed with my appearance. In fact, I played with dolls, watched 90210 without fully understanding the implications of the show. I was in essence a kid. I rollerbladed, rode my bike without worrying that a strand of hair would be out of place. I was a kid.
When I hit high school, I was aware of my own beauty both internally and externally but once again it didn’t affect the things I did. Social media is a monster. Even back then and I’ll explain why. I enjoyed what I could of my years given my circumstances. My physical appearance wasn’t a hindrance in any way growing up because I didn’t care what people thought. In all honesty I never had body image issues. I never suffered self doubt or confidence. In fact, it was the opposite.
When I grew up in my 20’s Myspace was the internet crack. When I started posting photos that’s when I became somewhat aware. People would leave comments about my luscious lips. To me before my MySpace page my lips were just lips. They would comment on my toned legs how amazing they were. To me, I had toned legs because I had no car and had to walk everywhere. The point is that social media began to make me notice things about myself that I hadn’t realized or taken notice to. In my mind, I was just beautiful because.
I talk to my daughter all the time. I explain to her that as she grows up, I will let her do more things. Everything at its age. The most important thing I tell her is to enjoy her journey. She will only live it once. Don’t try to grow up too fast because before you know it you’re an adult with your own responsibilities and you can’t go back. Enjoy being care free and a child. The last most important thing I teach my daughter is yes she is beautiful. But don’t put your focus on vanity. An empty mind and an empty heart render you empty. You can be as pretty as you want but be grow up to be a woman of substance for beauty fades.
The reason I brought this up is that my daughters half sister has been dying to turn 13. She lives a much faster life than I did. But her rush to grow up makes me sad. I told her as much the other day. I told her to enjoy her youth while she can. That I couldn’t understand her rush to grow up. When I was 16, 18 was my goal so I could go out. After 18, I hit 20 and then they flew away and I stare at my 30’s. I enjoyed my years despite my adversity. But I wish I had spent more time enjoying my youth. Because there is no fountain of youth… once you go forward you can’t go back.
I am like a hurricane. I can’t help it. I’m a 5’5 Walking hurricane. Take no prisoners I genuinely can’t help it. I’ve told you I have a personality issue. Denial is not one of my issues. When I wrote my blog, don’t think I’m just saying my kid is great because everyone thinks their kid is great. My daughter is an asshole sometimes. In fact sometimes she’s also manipulative. However, I know her and work with her like a drill seargent because I value education. I’ve often said I will fund her future life expeditions so long as she goes to college. If she wants to find herself I’ll play along just do what you have to do and I’ll kick the cash.
My 6 year old is now in a tizzy over the prospects of being held back and now I want everyone’s head on a stick. So I did what I do best and wrote a letter. There’s an inside joke about my letters. I’ve written to probably every agency you can think of and ripped people a new one. I’ve drafted unemployment appeal letters ripping people apart. It’s a gift I suppose. So now, I’m putting them on notice. It’s the first time I hear my kid isn’t doing well enough to the point of failure. That’s not funny to me at all. So knowing the kids abilities I outlined a letter:
I never understood why parents go nuts at their children’s schools. I always got upset and said don’t blame the teachers it’s not always the teachers. Today though I know I’m about to become one of those parents. Especially after hearing that some kids were told they would go to second grade.
The school work being given to children now is ridiculous. Yes, some children will ace through it others will struggle. Not every individual learns at the same pace. Now as a nation we want to cram years of education into our children to catch up with other countries and I say no. I feel like that’s a personal choice if I feel like my daughter can and should handle much more advanced work.
My daughter typically works with me all summer long on grade packages. If she’s going to kindergarten I buy kindergarten workbooks and we work on it all summer. If she’s going into first grade I’ve already been working with her on first grade materials. The one subject my tot has been struggling with is reading. Part of which I’m beginning to wonder if it’s to do with a visual test. I got a letter today that threw me into a fit. It’s not that my daughter is entitled. It’s that I work with my daughter everyday and know what she’s both capable of and what she understands.
I read with her and ask questions about what she’s read to make sure she comprehends. I do math with her and she’s better at math than me. She’s quick. So imagine my surprise to get a letter saying they might hold her back. I was instantly enraged. Have they tested her to make sure there is no disability? (From time to time she inverts letters) How was this determined? Her math test from yesterday was an 81. Her spelling tests are primarily good with the exception of about 2. Her math tests are in the same category. 90 something a vague 70 here there.
Common core is bullshit. I’m against everything it stands for. When I grew up we didn’t draw charts for 1+1=2 we added the shit and learned our multiplication tables etc. do I think any of this has any life value other than to frustrate the kids? No. I’ve heard of children crying trying to take these timed bullshit exams. I personally refuse to subject my daughter to it and will exempt her. You want to test the teachers “Vaya con Dios.” Godspeed.
I guess I’m livid because I’ve raised her to be educationally orientated. The kid picks out books before toys, she plays math games and educationally oriented games. So I feel like she doesn’t get a break. Because of that is why I opted not to even try to put her in an gifted program because I want her to be a kid.
Her homework has consisted of 3 digit subtraction. I’m talking about 100+250+410=
I think it’s absurd. I don’t remember doing all that jazz. Without that, I was still advanced. I was in college level at 16. So I guess that’s why I think it’s all hogwash. Education should be based on the children’s understanding of the subjects and their ability to complete it. Not how they adjust to your new pie charts and methodology. If a child can answer 1+1 by counting instead of using circles and pie charts why the hell not. Is it not the same answer? More importantly, if you think you’re failing some children you don’t announce who’s going and leave others out like a Scarlett letter. I’ll be damned…
My daughter came home last week and told me she wanted to move to Mexico. I was perplexed by this. I haven’t played the news for her because of the obvious. We have never been to Mexico so I couldn’t figure out why my 6 year old had decided she wanted to move there. I decided after spending the week following the elections in what I’d like to call “all in my feelings” to talk to her about this and to also kind of talk to her about things going on. As a parent, our job is to protect our children. But the other part of the job is to prepare them. I sat my daughter down and had a difficult discussion that included the fact that I wanted her to be able to talk to me and come to me with any problems.
I wanted her to be okay with telling me if someone was bullying her or if there was any issue. The only thing I told her was that right now, she might hear some ugly things from some dreadful people. Mean things. I wound up crying in the middle of telling her this because I was so repulsed by having to warn my tot, that hey, some people might say some ugly things. Don’t let it change what I’ve taught you is important. I reiterated the importance of having a good heart, being smart and loving and accepting others. Something that right now, a lot of people appear to be grappling with. I can’t control the world around me, I can’t control the actions of others. But I can try to raise a decent human being with some kind of moral compass to navigate through a sea of dark and lost souls.
After our pow wow, we went to watch Trolls. It was a great movie, with an even better message. Maybe, we should lock everyone in a room and make them learn from the movie trolls.. where the message was about happiness, with a twinge of acceptance and tolerance..
I don’t write about certain views nor positions. I feel like some things need to be respected. Politics are always a hotbed, but I will say this. I woke up at 3:00 am this morning to horror. My worst nightmare was realized. I turned over in bed with a knot in my throat of emotion, hugged my daughter tightly and tried to fall back asleep.
Yesterday’s electorial decision goes far beyond who is running our country. This campaign has shown us the ugly boogie monsters that have been living under our beds. They are real no matter how much we choose to pretend they don’t exist. The hatred and misogyny, the hate towards indifference of any others whether it’s based on sexual orientation or preference or religion. What angered me and broke me this morning was that people actually still try to believe that there is no racial issues. That people still want to try to shut their eyes and pretend it’s all okay.
You have the Klan practically gallivanting down streets and people are still denying that there’s a problem. My heart broke not for myself as an adult nor for those that voted. You made your bed and we are soon to lie in it. My heart shattered for my daughter. For the rest of the children that are the victims of our decisions or decisions that precede them. My heart shattered for the women who have come so far as a nation to possibly be set back decades. My heart shattered for the LGBTQ community that has made such strides in their rights. My heart shattered for all of the other communities that were offended and feel excluded by Donald Trump’s words. You are not alone.
I am Hispanic or Latino. Whatever category makes you feel better to check me into. I am a woman. In some senses you can call me a double minority. Today I felt as though we had just hit reset on progress. Watching a 16 year old who’s parents were deported last night during the elections while she’s here alone broke me. Because children pay a price much heavier than ours because they only deal with the hand given to them without a choice in this matter and will reap the reprecussions of our decision not today but in the future. It’s a precedent like a legal precedent in court. Today I am hugging my daughter a little harder, loving her a little bit harder. Because the world just got really fucking hard.
The world is grieving. The questions isn’t how to unite our nation. The question is now that the boogie monster has been unleashed and we know he’s under the bed how do we face this demon that can’t be shoved back under our beds and ignored. That boogie monsters name is racism.