It’s been a while, I know. The elections hit hard, life kept going it’s like a runaway train. One thing that’s the same is the bathroom at my office. The public bathrooms are worst than the gas station ones. They are disgusting. There is never toilet paper or soap and they smell like theyre cleaned with dirty mops. It’s literally disgusting. Sometimes, the tenants I can presume pee the seats or do other vile things. The first thing I do when I walk in the bathroom is asssess if it’s safe to enter the stalls.
Then I proceed to Spider-Man in the stall by using the potty without touching an inch of the cell. It’s like a remastered game of twister. Yesterday, I inspected a stall and it passed. Until I looked down on the floor. I saw a smudge of brown. This whole time I start having my own conversation going, it can’t be. No fucking way. Is that shit? So yes I’m in a stall having this conversation outloud. I gather my strength and move my left foot just an inch and that’s when I see it. My foot left a mark. Now I’m like omg! Omg! There’s shit on my shoe.
I hurry along to get out. Only to check my left boot. When I lift my foot, there is shit on my boot. Yes, human feces. Now I understand accidents happen, people have bowel issues. But how the fuck do you miss the big ass gaping hole meant to catch your bowel secretions? But then the kicker is how do you just drop one shit pebble 2 inches from the bowl? How does shit fall out of your pants or underwear? I mean is it an explosion in your pants? Is this a game of point the asshole and shoot? Oh I get it, you were going for the 3 point shot! Silly me!
What kills me though is this is a women’s only bathroom. How the hell do you do this? If you miss clean it up! I’ve never been in a men’s restroom but I dare to venture women’s bathrooms are far worst. All I can say is I’m not happy. I’m sure the other patrons thought I was nuts talking to myself, but you know what fuck off. I had human shit on my shoe.