Philosophy..

A few years ago I took philosophy. The interesting thing is that we got to watch The Matrix. Yes, the movie with Keanu Reeves. I had watched it before but I’ll be honest, I didn’t really watch it. When I took philosophy however, it turned everything in my life on its head. One of the first questions I had pertained to religion. I actually started asking why was I even following this? The words of a man written 80 million years ago. More importantly, the question of who said things were the way they were and why did we listen blindly to this person or people? There is a scene in the movie where a sea of people wearing black suits is stomping it’s way to work. I deciphered this as a two part message. The first, the corporate robots, the second aimed towards the sheep all following one another blindly.

I began to question everything. I couldn’t answer to myself why I believed in God. Was it because I was told to believe? Was it because I needed to believe? I don’t say this in a blasphemous manner, but I am expressing my feelings after taking philosophy. I felt as though I had blindly followed the catholic religion, practiced it without once asking well why and who said and why do we listen. Who decided who the protagonist would be in this story and that anything that went against said protagonist was wrong? I admit that my faith in a higher being has kept my head above water. Then again, I believe that we all need hope. Without hope we are lost. People have killed over religious beliefs and have been killed over beliefs. I guess at this stage of my life, I am still not all together. I don’t have any of the answers. I know that people will make you think that by 30 you should have your life together and that includes your beliefs. But life is not a straight line. Its not as simple as a straight line. You get curves, you get surprises, and sometimes you just don’t have it all together. That’s okay.

Today, I still question things. I try to live my life being the best that I can be. A lot of times I fail and I’m an epic bitch. But, when I can I do the most good that I can do for society and others as a whole. When my ticket is punched one day, all I know is that maybe I will have to face the man upstairs. When I do, I want to be able to say to him, I tried. Maybe it wasn’t my best effort ever, but for me I tried to be the best person I could be which sometimes is a challenge unto itself.

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