Have you heard of rats that get shocked everything they try to eat the cheese as a sort of conditional response or experiment on brain patterns? That’s me I try it every god damn time even though I know it’s not good for me. A few years ago I suffered from gall stone attacks. I would rather give birth three times over than to experience that. Right after I had my daughter I had my first attack. I was laying down in bed and I had so much pain I remember falling to the floor panting. I felt like I was going to pass out the pain was so crazy. We called an ambulance somewhere between that time I had thrown up and I was just fine. I chalked it up to bad food. Fast forward about 6 months later I had a second attack. They started happening so infrequent that I never correlated the issue to fatty foods. That is until I started having these attacks once a month almost every month. I went to a first doctor that diagnosed me with gallstones. He alleged that my stones were not that serious to him to intervene. Mind you, at this point I was having attacks about every month with consistency. I went to see a second specialist, who again re-affirmed that I had stones. He said that unless it persisted he didn’t see basically why I needed anything to be done. I was outraged and at that point I knew that it was the foods, like milk, or my fave Alfredo that were setting these attacks off. I tried to minimally eat anything with dairy and it worked at least 85% of the time. When the second doctor told me hang tight, I was ready to go get a bowl of alfredo and go manja in his waiting room so that I could just toss my cookies and go into a full attack in his office, so he could tell me if it’s still not enough for medical attention. This went on well for about 2 years.
The symptoms got progressively worst. One time, I literally shit myself in my beetle. My VW beetle that is, in the middle of the attack. I had gone to the hospital in the beginning stages of an attack. I felt like I was going to pass out. I told the registration office and they told me no urine sample no treatment. So I tried to drive myself home. Clearly, that didn’t work out well. If you’ve never had a gallbladder attack, here’s what it’s like. It’s like the combination of pain going around your back and your stomach but at the same time it feels like your having a heart attack while an elephant sits on your chest. The moral of my story is that I went through this for years on end. Until I found a doctor about 3 years in and at the point I was living off water and small snacks that removed my gallbladder. The surgery was successful. Now fast forward, I developed a bit of lactose intolerance. I still eat ice cream and dairy products. Every now and then though there are foods that fuck my life up. Yet, sometimes I do it knowing the risk. The other day I had this great restaurant called melt shop. They serve, what else but melts with cheese. The hilarity is that knowing my gastrointestinal issues, I followed that shit with ice cream. While I was getting my nails done, my stomach was fighting like it was the movie 300. I remembered the beetle incident. As my eyebrows were getting waxed all I prayed for was to not be the chick that shit herself on the eyebrow waxing table..