I hate it when people ask when your getting married or when your having kids, or when your popping out the next one like your some sort of candy dispenser. The truth is not every woman wants kids, not every woman wants to be married. I happen to be one of those. I wanted kids yes, but I wanted to do it alone with a thriving career. I never wanted a husband. I watched too much misery and annoyance at the prospects of being with someone to have the patience to tolerate anyone. Do I have a significant other, yeah I do. I tell him to leave all the time. He thinks its a joke, but I’m dead serious. He aggravates my life. I used to think Kate from Jon and Kate was evil for asking Jon why he breathed so hard, but no now I get it. Even his breathing aggravates me, sometimes I wish he’d stop altogether. I’d rather be at work than to come home, some days. The thing is society will have you believe you have to go down this road, kids, marriage. I disagree. I think some women are not meant and don’t want kids and that’s okay. As some women like me don’t want a husband.
I love my daughter. She is my only emotional Achilles. I could be happy just me and her in the equation and non one else. In fact, I think its even her own preference that it were that way as of lately. I’ve never been a relationship kind of person lets be honest. I wrote about how I walked away from a relationship of two years like it was a day date. I meant that. I am very cut throat when I want to be. If I love you, I will defend you with every last inkling of my life. But that other side.. is just dark.
I’m not emotionally invested like most people in relationships. My goals are a thriving career, volunteering and finding a way to help children, that’s about all. Just like I keep an invisible checklist of people that cross me and I hold that until I die, I have a list of people that have helped me along the way. It’s not massive, but I never, ever forget. When I was growing up all I wanted was to take them abroad on an all expense paid trip to anywhere they wanted to see that they may not have gotten to see otherwise or to help them pay some of their own debts down. I still feel this way today. I was thinking about this as I read this book called The Ex, it’s a fictional book but the character reminds me of myself. She’s emotionally devoid, ironically she’s an attorney.
I had one relationship in my entire life that I can say was complete. Everything was there except for timing. Would I have married this person, sometimes I say yes, but in truth maybe that’s a lie. I am anti marriage for myself personally. The commitment is serious, the financial implications are even worst and to be quite frank I like being free.
After that history class I had to question the institution of marriage altogether. Why is it expected that two become one? Yes it’s a merger like a business but what about you? In the past we as women didn’t even count. So believe me I’m not a fan of marriage. I’m happy and I do mean genuinely happy for those that find their soul mate and can do it. For me, every time I have a lapse in judgement I think I’ll just take myself to David’s bridal and play dress up for a day… I’m not cut out for this shit. For now, I’ll keep on trucking until one day I disappear like that man from humans of New York that left his wife of twenty years out of blue one day blessing God he was free…