Toxic Waste

If you’ve never been in a toxic relationship congratulations you’ve literally dodged a proverbial bullet. May you continue your life dodging that one, seriously. I recently stumbled upon a gem on Instagram’s humans of NYC page. It was one about a man who after 20 years up and left his family and his sentiment of being free. He literally packed himself up and just disappeared. I judge not. I’ve always been ruthless. A defender of the weak ones yes but utterly ruthless if you were my adversary. In my personal life, at around the age of 22 my relationship of 2 years decimated over lies and the same day I ended things I cut all emotional ties and was ready to go out and party and not waste a very good Saturday. No use crying over spilled milk. The fact I could walk away from years in a relationship should speak volumes. My sentiment is that you can’t make someone love you if they don’t, okay cool lets keep it moving. Life’s short. With that said, if I cut you off emotionally your done for good with a blink of an eye and barely a breathe exhaled.

At that stage of my life sans kids I couldn’t understand how people stayed in toxic relationships or abusive relationships. Then I had my daughter. Ah.. The enlightenment. I never understood the emotional tie to your child because I had no children and I had the emotions of a chunk of ice. What I did understand is that toxic relationships bleed the life from you. It’s said that the pollution in India reduces your life span by about 2 hours a day. If that’s the case I need to research the reduction of your life by dating a bonafide psychopath, sociopath,  implosive reactive disordered or other lunatic. I’m sure it’s startlingly. No one wakes up and decides ooh today I’d like to be with a total lunatic that makes my life hell. We all have choices. The one thing I didn’t count on was the understanding that sometimes you stay because of financial reasons. Sometimes you stay because the guilt of your children is overwhelming. I know for me personally the feeling of my poor ill fated decisions affecting my daughter weigh heavily every single day. Everyone has reasons. Do you know what it’s like giving great customer service to clients when your household is a constant battle zone? Containing your emotions only to the source? It’s exhausting and taxiing. Balancing school and work and doing it well while you have someone that drains the very life of you like they’ve severed an artery.

So back to this man, people were saying he was selfish. My argument, is that he raised his children provided for his wife for 20 years. Unless you’ve been in a stifling relationship and stayed for your own reasons you wouldn’t understand the liberating feeling it is to be away from that person. That working 100 hours to be away is light work compared to being in their presence. So I didn’t know the dynamics of their relationship but I could relate, I could understand because I’ve come across the very kind of person where that would be my only option to get away and be simply that free. Please keep in mind when I say lunatic I use the term loosely. Everyone has issues this much I’m convinced of and that’s okay. But where I take issue is where you belong in a padded room and opt to not get yourself the help you clearly need but you punish society at your whim because you think there’s nothing wrong but clearly all other actions, decisions and life partners indicate a clear pattern of something wrong with you and not someone else. The common denominator..

NYC

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